I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize