Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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