Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize