It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
