His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found puke in my bra..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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