last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize