Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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