You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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