it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
