Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
