Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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