even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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