Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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