this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
