I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
