I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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