mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BRING THE BAGELS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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