Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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