You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
