Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
two words...techno handjob
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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