I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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