three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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