Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
