i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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