Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
