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i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
