I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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