i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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