Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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