Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
