I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
