i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
