I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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