just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
