I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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