Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
