We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
