That's when you crack a 10am beer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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