I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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