I think I am morally bankrupt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
