did you get engaged???
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
