I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize