sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
