so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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