Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
