She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
