you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
