i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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