Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
