There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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