highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
