the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
