after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
