I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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