not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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