New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
