I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
