If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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