Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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