We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize