Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
