I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
