apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
