I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
