i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
