i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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