some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
