I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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