I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
