I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
