i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my phone needs a breathalizer
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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