booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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